About my past
What I learned from it all
In order to accomplish doing this inside job properly, I decided to first and foremost not let any dark moods tempt me anymore than necessary. I think it's okay to be sad and it's not that I would want to banish them, but what I mean is that I would like to be able to contain them in order to be able to learn the lesson they have to offer instead of getting lost in feeling only the hurt. It's okay to be sad, but sadness can drown you if you let it or learn you a lesson if you are open for it. The choice is up to you. In order to be able to do so, I first had to come to terms with the fact that I am the kid of such a horrible person. I had to imprint myself that I deserve to be happy. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I have a father like mine that did such horrible things, but I am not him. I may look like him in some aspects but this does not make me a bad person. If the thing in which I look like him is a positive one, I try to be grateful and use it to do good, if it's a negative thing, I try to be aware of it and work on myself so I do not turn out like him. After all, I am human so I will make mistakes and I should, because you learn so much from them and if you learn from them you become a better version of yourself. It's okay to be me. When I finally realized this, it felt so freeing. It felt like:
Second I decided to do so by from now on, altering the way I think by focusing even more on the little things that make life worthwhile. I noticed that it feels great to feel grateful and there are so much things in life you might otherwise take for granted, but actually deserve our feelings of gratefulness.
Although my life has not always been the easiest, nor is it know because all I've been through and all that I have to overcome in order to live a 'normal' life, nonetheless, I would not want to trade with anyone. I have had a lot of things happen to me, but if you place it in perspective, there are people who suffered less, but there are also a lot of people who suffered more! It is up to me how I choose my future to be! I can use my experiences to let my past make me stronger as a person and more emphatic towards others. I can let my past rule me or take matters into my own hands and try to become the best possible version of me.